I Dare You

Since I was a little kid I imagined myself living the life of a writer. There I am, writing under the eaves of a finished attic overlooking a grove of trees with an incline down to a lovely lake.  I  watch the seasons change and draw inspiration from the fresh air and singing birds and all the lovely colors of spring, summer, autumn and winter… The reality is I live in a suburb of Dallas--- flat land, the only season we have with any regularity is summer—the hot bleaching burning kind of summer—complete with lots of allergens and heat that keeps me indoors with windows closed much more than is reasonable.

Instead of having a writing cozy in an attic overlooking a lake and a big fruitful tree, I have removed the dining room furniture and replaced it with a desk---- in the front room of our house--- (the kitchen is big enough serve our dining needs) and instead of having a continual bounty of ideas to inspire my writing I have learned the lesson of any profession:  writing is hard work.  No little bird chirping inspiration on my window sill, no lovely breeze to move my hand to wax poetic on the beauties of nature while making astute observations on the human condition.

Nope, years of apprenticeship doing research, reading reading reading and some more reading; writing and re-writing and re-writing and more writing.  Most writers I know love to read, have to read, look back and see the innumerable pages and piles of books that have been our favored companions and playmates since we were tiny children.  We love words, wordplay, the sound the feel the touch of words rolling off our tongues and dancing around our brains. And if we have this thing, this niggling need, this insistent crying baby need we will write, if only for an audience of one.  And all that work that seemed like play, that seemed sometimes to be time stolen from more important tasks, shapes and persuades and cajoles and nags until we develop a voice and make it our own.

Over the years when I had the opportunity to dive into the writing world I met with a great deal of internal resistance.  What if had nothing to say?  What if what I had to say was stuff no one cared to read?  What if I get too ‘naked’ in my writing and exposed things I would rather have hidden?

These are all legitimate concerns.  They are legitimate because writing is scary.  If we write with any depth we will expose ourselves, our fears our weaknesses our hopes our sins.

And we might get rejected.

And we will get rejected.

The thing about writing, or music or art or acting or dance, is we do expose our selves.  With writing we put our guts out there on the table and ask others to critique to accept or reject or not care while all the while we are praying that someone cares, someone wants to know more, someone appreciates a turn of phrase or an insight, observation, or character that we have put down in black and white.

The truth is I wasn’t brave enough years ago to write.  I always had this inner need to become a writer, but so often I would sit and try to write and realize that the only eyes that would see this would be my own because it was either too raw or not worthy enough to share with anyone.  I hesitated to jump in feet first because I could not see where the bottom was.

But in the last decade or so I have had opportunities to write and I did dip my toe in--- with adult ed courses I taught I wrote course books, then I had a Family Life column, then I had some opportunities to write for a broader audience, then I was asked to submit to a competition, then I joined a writers group, then, then, then.

Each step along the way emboldened me to take more steps and drop deeper into that place where writing happens, sometimes whole paragraphs at a time; often, however, one letter at a time.

One of the ironies of writing is that you have to be sensitive enough to tune into the subtleties of life, feel the pain, apprehend the beauty, catch the slight changes of expressions and tone of voice to listen for the real message behind words and actions.  You have to have a thin skin to write.  But you have to have a thick skin to put your work out in the world for an audience, for a publisher, for critics.

As time passes and I become more aware of mortality I wish I had dared to dive in years ago, but the truth is years ago I didn’t have the courage or the perspective to write.  You have to reach a stage of confidence, of not caring whether your parents siblings friends teachers will approve of your writing.   You have to reach a point where you can discern when you’ve gone too far and then the draw the line in a way that makes artistic, psychological and personal sense.

You have to dare.

Little Bo-Peep

Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep and doesn't know where to find them. Leave them alone and they'll come home Wagging their "tales" behind them.

I sit at my desk almost every day waiting for words to come.  I probably should be doing something useful like dusting or cleaning the kitchen.  But, I always promised myself that when my kids were grown I'd take all that energy I thought I had stored away for years and churn out story after wonderful story.

Now, I have not been totally negligent in turning out stories.  I've turned out some that I quite like and others have shared my opinion by publishing them. Sometimes words come to me.  Sometimes I wake up from a dream with an opening line.  Sometimes I am in the middle of doing something useful, like dishes or laundry and I receive a word, a line, a beginning.

But, way too often I try to court words and story ideas and nothing sparks. Maybe I'm scaring them away by searching too hard.

I court words in a few ways:  I play solitaire.  Yep, dopey, minimally engaging solitaire.  Sometimes it works, I think, because it makes my brain turn on just a bit to get the gears working  thus allowing words that are streaming in my mind a chance to get together and form a sentence, a picture, a scene.

Recently I have added nursery rhymes to my method of distracting my "monkey mind" ( thank you Natalie Goldberg) long enough to let the undercurrents gain a little strength.

Bo-Peep was going through my mind this morning and I realized that some of my most ancient memories are of sitting with a book opened on my lap as a small child, reading the classics.  The classics of children's lit, that is. Nursery rhymes are a lot like the Book of Proverbs for the pre-K set.

I think Bo-Peep showed up to tell me to let go, stop searching so anxiously.  Leave them alone, and they'll come home, wagging their "tales" behind them..

Boy, I hope those nursery rhymes have as much wisdom as they're supposed to.

April fools

April fools who?  Is there a special kind of fool found in April? Are we celebrating fools, that is jesters, village idiots, comedians and fools in the more pejorative sense? Or are we taking one day a year to revel in fooling our friends and loved ones?    Ah, the questions.   What are we without questions?   That is the question (sorry Billy). I’ve been playing Grandma two hundred miles away from home a few days each month so Katie can take exams.  A couple of days ago, with a sore back from catching a lively little boy and gnawing sense that I need to get some work done, my nearly one year old grandson served to remind me that I had put aside pursuing a ‘serious’ writing career for all the years I was raising children.  Since there is a nine year age difference between child number one and child number four that is a lot of years.  I spent 15 years of my adulthood watching Sesame Street until John went off to first grade.  Jude’s cartoon of choice these days is Sponge Bob Square Pants.  The circle of life.

Years of child rearing was not what I pictured when I pictured myself as an adult.  I wanted a serious career; I wanted to do something important.  I wanted to be the hero in my own epic.  I was confessing to two of my children (one a musician, the other an actor) that I never skipped a class in college, except once.  I spent that ‘skip’ in the library studying for an exam.

I hardly attended concerts, I went to one basketball game, on rare occasions went over to Poor Richard’s with classmates and had a drink (this was way back in the days when 18 was legal).  I spent my college career chasing A’s so I could get into law school.  By the time I got to law school I was burned out, used up, stifled to the point of chucking it all and taking an extended leave of absence.  That was more than thirty years ago.

There is a character on Parenthood (a recent NBC show) named Julia (irony?) who is a lawyer.  Not just a lawyer but a stuffy, uptight, ambitious, no-nonsense lawyer who just doesn’t ‘get’ a whole lot of stuff.  With her expensive suits, coiffed hair and oh-so-professional composure, I watch her and thank God I didn’t go down that path. My children saved me from that.  They loosened me, jiggled much (not all, I admit) of the serious starch that I used to hold myself together for too long, and let me see life through young and wonder-filled eyes.

So, here’s to April and her court of Fools.  Long may you laugh.

To Live, To Write, That is the Question

John is in the kitchen teaching the Tango to one of his friends.  She brought a pair of high heels, because everyone knows a woman needs heels to tango.  A twirling skirt would be helpful too, but this is her first lesson. Our house has resembled a dormitory or a frat house this past week.  My oldest son and his band from Boston are in town for the SouthBySouthWest music festival in Austin. My middle son came in for the weekend, so we had all of our own sons, plus several honorary ones, these past few days.

Being an (almost) empty-nester, I welcome the life, the creativity, the high spirits, and yes, even the noise.

This situation hasn't left me a lot of time to write, but I am of the school of thought that if you don't take the time to live what have you got to write about?

I do know of some purists who go and lock themselves away in a cabin in order to produce their great literary opus, but a very long time ago I made the decision (and life in all it's wonderful messiness led me to this decision) that writing is a reflection on life, not a substitute for life.

Creating is an act of will, as much as it is a function of temperament and talent.  My husband and children all devote a great deal of time and energy to their various pursuits like music, art, photography, writing, and, naturally actually living their lives.  They continue to be my best teachers and have provided the fodder for much of what I have written.

One of these days I'll put on a pair of high heels and a twirly skirt and ask my son to teach me how to tango.  Then, after that marinates a bit, I might write about it.

The Youthfulness of Creativity

I've been on grandma duty, traveling back and forth about 200 miles each way so Katie can take exams while Jude entertains me.  He's quite an active little boy, climbing over my head while I try to hold him, scooting across the floor, bouncing up and down in his bouncy chair and playpen. He's perpetual motion unless he is studying the noise making device on one of his brightly colored toys or pushing buttons on a cell phone. Everything is new to him.  Everything is wonderful.  The littlest things make him laugh and smile: a sneeze; a burp: Sponge Bob cavorting with Patrick: seeing his mommy's face, pulling on his daddy's beard.

Did I tell you that it's wonderful?  And hard work.  Changing his diaper is a race since he takes every chance to scoot across the bed and grab onto curtains or see what's down there on the carpet. Makes me realize why we have babies while our backs are still young enough to take all the bending and lifting and we are quicker than a toddler looking for adventure.  Or at least have longer strides to make up for their quickness.

If we could all just spend some time with a very young child we would learn so many important things, again.  Once upon a time we knew them.  Then we let them get educated out of us.  When we delve into any of the creative arts, we take a step back into that time when we could hear the angels sing and laugh at their music and the symphony of colors in innocent delight.