General

Digging To China

We played outside all summer when I was a young kid. We'd wake up, eat some Cap'n Crunch,  drink lots of milk, lace up the Keds and go out.  I grew up in one of the baby boomer towns on the eastern edge of Queens where it seemed as if everyone on the north side of the Long Island Rail Road tracks went to St. Clare's and had several children per family. We didn't need to ring anyone's doorbell. Kids were out. Playing. Running. Biking. Making up stories and playing out parts. The family on the corner had twelve children so there were always three or four available for Red Rover or Mean Aunt Mary.

Mean Aunt Mary (though I didn't know it at the time) was a way that we kids played out the sometimes confusing dynamics of  our large families.  There was always the very nice, meek, loving Mother in our little dramas, but Mean Aunt Mary was a permanent resident of this make believe world.  We played these parts out in the cellar stairwell in my backyard.   Anne, one of the twelve siblings on the corner, and I took turns being the shrieking, punishing Mean Aunt Mary or the loving Mother who coddled us and gave us grape lollipops.  We would have denied that either of these two characters had any resemblance to our own family members.  It was all make believe. Psycho-therapy at no cost and at its purest.

Digging was another way to pass an hour or so in the summer. Just digging.  Seemed as if every yard (except for the yards of the fussy parents) had a bit of space for the necessary act of playing in the mud (worms and all after it rained) or digging to China.  No, we did not have child sized garden tools.  We had worn down silver plate serving spoons that were a few generations old before they took on the role of spade in the less than perfect lawns of my little town.

Sometimes we'd drag a garden hose over to the plot and make a fine mess.   Dirt under the fingernails, seats of shorts covered in grass stains and mud, shirts used in lieu of towels for the excess mess that our little hands created were all part of the sights and scents of childhood.  My mother had enough good sense to know that this was important, or at least inevitable. Before supper, she'd just run the tub and soak a few of us with Ivory soap and washcloths till we were ready for some more fun, like catching lightning bugs in baby food jars when the sun went down.

We never did dig all the way to China, but we had fun trying.

Hither and Yon

It's the middle of January and we are finally taking Christmas down.  The decorations and the tree, that is.  I hope it is always beyond our capacity to take Christmas down. We've had a rolling holiday this year.  Daniel drove in from Nashville on Christmas Eve in the middle of an ice storm, so we felt like one of those coffee commercials when the grown son enters the house in the wee hours between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, bearing a large load of laundry and luggage.

Then we drove down to Austin (we live near Dallas) so we could celebrate with our daughter's family for her little boy's first Christmas.  Back north to Dallas.  One son leaves, another son and his wife arrive.  Now that they have returned to Boston, we can take the jingle bells and lights down. Oh well. Other than the fact that we couldn't arrange for more than two out of three sons to be here at the same time, it was a wonderful Christmas.  Lots of laughter, lots of memories, lots of making new memories.  No one with any sense could ask for anything more.

I am genuinely happy that my kids are pursuing their lives.  I just wish that pursuit was within, say, a one or two hundred mile radius of us.  That way we could all do what we need to do without getting in each others way and still manage to get together a few times a year. I can dream, right?

Now that Christmas is packed away instead of Ho Ho Ho I'd like to let out a call of Hi Thee Ho! (which is another way of saying 'hither thee hence' or, more colloquially, 'get your butt over here'.  New Year, new possibilities.  In the meantime I'd better hi thee ho my own butt into a productive routine.

Fresh Start?

Wherever You Go, There You Are is the title of a book I run into often.  So far, I have successfully avoided reading it.  The title puts me off. If I'm stuck with me wherever I go, why do I have to read a book that from the get go dissolves any hope of discovering the new improved me? New Year, fresh start, right?  Sure, kinda, sorta, but....  It's the buts that will get you every time.

All the ads/resolutions to lose weight, exercise more, (funny we don't see ads to improve our minds and souls and all that jazz, but I suppose you cannot really market that) and except for the determined few most of us end up just goin' on being who we've always been.  Ourselves, that is.  Good ole regular, flawed, face-for-radio, elastic waist, lazier than we know we should be folks.

Ah, not picture perfect.

I do admit, however, that I feel like I have accomplished something when I manage to push Publish on this blog or write a new scene in my novel.  But, really, and this might be the crux of my lack of ambition, I feel fabulous when I see my kids and grandson and just share a laugh, a good conversation, a funny movie, get together with friends, hang out with my husband, all the regular, ordinary, wonderful stuff that really makes up a life.  That level of ambition still nags me a bit, but, when it comes down to it, wherever I go, I keep running into myself.

Blind, Lame and Grateful

I don't know what bothers me more: the fact that my last posting went out over  the RSS feed with typing errors or the fact that I was too blind to see the squiggly red line under the mis-typed words to notice.  (My defense is that I really do know how to spell--okay, I admit, I occasionally invert the ie,ei construction--but my typing skills are mediocre at best. Some defense, huh?). Add to that the creaking knee, the twisted ankle, the back that reminds me daily that I am no longer 22 and have not been for years, well, decades and you have a formula for humility.  Maybe that's the point of sticking around for birthdays to accumulate.  Humility mixed with honesty and the confidence that we have (hopefully) earned frees us from any need to to explain ourselves to the world.

After I recovered from the shock of turning forty several birthdays ago, I was grateful for the freedom to speak my mind with less hesitation (I can hear the gasps of disbelief from those who have known me for years that I think I ever kept my mouth shut) and just be who I am. The gift of the ticking clock is that you know you don't have as much time to care what others think of you; you need to get on with the business of living. No wonder in our not so distant history folks who lived longer than forty years were the tribal elders. They walked through a door they didn't know was there until they crossed its threshold.

I've been trying to come up with a concluding paragraph for this piece.  I left it for a while and busied myself with arranging ornaments on the tree and straightening the kitchen so that my brain could cook this a bit.  What came to mind was how grateful I am for countless blessings of all the imperfectly wonderful people I have been privileged to know.  I am grateful for the process of aging and the streaks of silver and the need for face cream.  I am grateful because along with these signs of decrepitude comes the benefits of the deepening wrinkles in my soul.  It would be very sad if  I were to stand before the pearly gates and presented God with the smooth shiny soul I was given as a baby.  I hope when my time comes I can present a soul that is well worn and crinkled from a life well and deeply, and oh so imperfectly, lived.

Christmas Noggin

Ingredients for Christmas Noggin:

  • One artificial tree, in three parts
  • One husband
  • One grown son (beard optional)
  • One raised brick hearth surrounding fireplace
  • A liberal sprinkling of literary (yes, Dr. Seuss is literary) references for everyone's delight
  • A hearty dose of humor

Gene and John assembled the Christmas tree while I went to the grocery store on a chilly gray afternoon.  As I returned with a dozen eggs and a package of bacon John was handing his father a bag of ice. New decoration?  Nope  Gene had crashed his noggin smack down on the hearth -- the same hearth that Santa slides down! -- while joining one broomstick trunk  to the other. He was growing quite a substantial  egg of his own on the back of his skull.

I hate Christmas! Gene intoned in his best imitation of  Albert Finney  playing what has to be the worst interpretation (musical, no less!) of Charles Dickens endearing (ahem!) character, that heartless miser Mr. Scrooge.

This, naturally, led to a whole spate of Scrooge and Grinch imitations -- while I laughed (so wrong, isn't it?) as my darling husband grumbled about the troubles of Christmas -- past, present and future.

We provided our own ghosts, natch.  Christmas was most fun when our children were little.  Gene always read The Night Before Christmas to our four kids, even when they were grown.  One favorite image I have is of Gene reading to our 'children' when every one of the three boys was in need of a good shave. One year when they were all taller than I, and a few taller than their Dad, I made the suggestion that we change our Christmas routine to look a little more adult.  This met with an uproar and accusation that I was trying to 'ruin' Christmas!

Oh how we cling to our traditions.

Now that the children are scattered around the country, we will be celebrating this holiday over the course of several days.  John will be here on Christmas Eve, Daniel will arrive sometime on Christmas Day, then the four of us will drive several hours to Austin a few days after Christmas to join Katie, Ryan and 8 month old Jude for his first Christmas.  In early January Mike and Julie will fly in from Boston and we will continue our feast of memory and laughter.

The best Christmas noggin is made from years of memories and served up with a hearty dose of laughter and gratitude. And sometimes a tonic of ice cubes to smooth out the lumps.